Ok I'm back. Sorry for my fairly lengthy hiatus from Diaryland. It all started the day I moved into my new room . . . yadda yadda yadda . . . went to Sacramento State for my aunt's graduation and stayed at my Grandma's house . . . Oh man, I turned into a big fat blob in the 24 hours I spent with my grandmother. She made this giant cream cheese pound cake, consumed with ice cream (I splurged on a few spoonfuls) and fresh strawberries. Deviled eggs from my aunt (uh, two of my dad's sister live on the same property with my grandma and the other lives a few minutes away), too. Haha, there is a moth on my window trying to get at my light. I don't have window coverings yet. Stupid moth. I watched Mulholland Dr. with my parents tonight. It left me so confused. I looked around online to see if anyone else got it and apparently it's one of those movies you have to watch over and over because it's full of little symbolic details. I enjoy a lot of indie films and am definitely down for some cinematic edginess, but I'm no fanatic. I'm not going to sit through those painfully long scenes (it opens with a full three minutes of a car driving along a road in the dark) and lesbian porn (that's a slight overstatement, I admit it) twelve more times to figure out what the blue key means. And stuff. Anyway. What else is going on? HAHA! Sorry, I just laugh at the plight of that moth every time the thump of its determined little body against my window draws my eye. So yeah, some craziness going on with my dad. He's been drinking again lately. He used to drink all the time, and my mom always was mad at him and stuff and one day I told him how I felt about his drinking. That day he said he wouldn't drink anymore and for a very long time, he didn't. It was excellent. Then, as I said, he's been drinking again, just a beer here, a few beers there. I don't want to go into it all, all the reasons and stuff. A big part of it is actually a couple of the Christians around . . . grr, compromise irks me. Anyway, I talked to him about it on the way home from my grandma's house yesterday (it was just the two of us) and I literally felt my heart break. His view of my mom and me and our reasons for disliking his drinking are twisted in a way only the Enemy would do. He thinks we disregard all he does for us to find a reason to withhold love from him. I tried to explain how much I love him and how I will always love him. I just don't like the guy he becomes when he drinks (he's not abusive or anything, don't worry) and I don't understand why he holds onto that other guy so tightly. He still doesn't understand and there's nothing I can do . . . God has to do it . . . eloquent words will not help, because they work on the mind. This issue runs deeper than words can reach. Only God can do it. I can't tell you the anguish I felt when I was talking with him. We didn't really "resolve" the issue, as in, neither of us got our way, but we are on good terms, no anger or anything. Thinking about it still brings tears . . . satan has him convinced that he is not loved the way he is. That our objection to alcohol is a rejection of him. Anyway. Heavy. Ok well I think that about covers the major happenings of the last few days.
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